Mid Life Father Blog

4 weeks old – is it a smile or is it wind?

How can you forget so much in just 7 years, When Jack was born it was magical (probably because I was DJing 4 nights a week and just coming home and sleeping)

With Jenson its all a bit different, Now I’m a full time Children’s entertainer I’m home most nights, which means I’m on night feed duty.

Now this 2am shift is the worst shift in the world, “why?” I hear you ask yourself. Well its because I only went to bed 2 hours ago, and fell asleep an hour ago. I’m one of those people that has to lay there for an hour before I fall asleep, asking questions to myself, like – How can we feel heat from the sun when its so far away?, how does the sun burn when theres no oxygen? – so this sends me to google & I get the answers, but with the answers theres more questions!

Jody is one of these lucky ones whose head hits the pillow and she’s asleep (she obviously knows the answers to everything)

So I eventually fall asleep at 1am, then at 2am Jenson wakes up, why hasn’t evolution solved this problem yet, we’ve been around for thousands of years (I will google this one tonight before I try and go to sleep)

We come down stairs and put the milk in the bottle and let the Tommee Tippee machine do his thing! (if you’ve not got one of these in your life, you need one! but what was the design department thinking when they said “Lets give it the most annoying loud beep that will wake up your whole neighbourhood”

The person that thought this idea was a good idea needs locking in a dark room at 2am with a crying baby under his arm and forced to make baby bottles, he would soon re-design it.

Anyway lets me get back to what this blog was about. Wind or No wind?

Awwww look he’s smiling, no its just wind – like us adults when we let a bit of wind out we give a “pleasure smile”

I was googling the other night when do babies start cooing (the sooner the better because all Jenson does is grunt & huff) this day cant come soon enough!

(this was a “pleasure smile”)




(this needs capitals)

Please remember this post is written by a loving husband.

2.30am (Wednesday) The contractions started. I was asleep but was woken up with Jody saying “Its started” ….. whats started? was my immediate reply to her. Then it dawned on me I was about to be a dad again! For some strange reason I thought it wont take long now… little did I know!

Today was the day we had the plumbers round fixing our central heating, but thats ok cos it needed doing! Jody wanted to stay at home as long as possible (because after last time when Jack was born we was adamant that she was in labour and when we got to the hospital she wasn’t even 1cm dialated)

So she stayed up stairs while the plumbers were here, even managed to have a sleep – so this got me thinking, maybe they are just Braxton Hicks (But I never said this to her in case she threw something at me)

1.30pm the plumbers were in full swing by now, and the house was a disaster and Jody come down stairs and said “We’ve got to go!” (gulp)

On the way to the hospital, Jody called them up because there was a bit more blood that what there should of been (I don’t want to go in to detail but it was pretty bad) When we arrived they put baby and mum on a monitor and started talking about the placenta coming away from the uterus. OK so what now then??

C- section was on the cards to get the baby out quick!! but the consultant came along and (Done what he had to do) – this was a little strange for me, cos although I knew he was helping, and that he was fully trained at what he does  (I’m not sure how you go about “Learning” something like that)

I felt helpless while he done his inspection! But all was good and the placenta was fine – the blood we saw was just “The Show” ….. The show, who on earth would name it “The Show” The Lion King, thats a show! this is nothing like a show.

So Jody could go ahead with a normal delivery.

4.30pm dinner time, off I went to M&S

4.32pm I realised I walked up the corridor the wrong way!

On returning, there was someone in delivery suit 2, who I owe an apology to, but at times like that you really should keep your door closed! I kinda feel like I should be part of your family now.

6pm “Go Go Go we are in established labour” well excuse me for bring ignorant but where have we been for the last 15 hours?

Midwife said to Jody 7pm he will be here (I cant repeat the words that came out of Jody’s mouth)

Jody was doing an amazing job, to be going through all of this, I honestly don’t know how she found the energy. Truly inspirational & I will never moan about stubbing my toe or stepping on a piece of Lego again.

6.55pm “Oh sh**” is that his head, laying there face down ….. “GET HIM OUT, GET HIM OUT ” I was shouting in my own head, but I knew we had to wait for another contraction (waiting, still waiting, baby not moving, not making a sound – midwife looks as calm as a hippy after smoking a bag of herb) “its ok” she said to me & Jody.

OKAY, how is this OKAY??

Contractions is coming…… Like a child coming down a water slide he was here and the look of relief on Jody face was priceless (she would of killed me if I had taken a picture)

You want your wife to have contractions because you know its pushing the baby out, but on the other hand you don’t want your wife to go through the pain of them, its a no win situation and as a husband my job was just to support her, as I will for the rest of time (oh and the holding of the cup as she drunk the warm water through a straw)

Dads, if you’ve got this far reading my Blog, you have got to try the gas and air, its like a legal high ((not that I know)) but if anything goes wrong at least your in the safest place, It’s amazing the room started to spin! and there was no hangover.

7.03pm Jenson was born, Mum had done amazing and made me so proud, words cant express how much I love Jody and how much of an inspiration she is to me xx I love you

x Thank you x

Jenson Rocky Saywell 7lb 10oz


4 Days til due date!

Today was the midwife appointment and all was going well until she mentioned the “Stretch and Sweep”

– Seriously, could she not see me sitting there! I remember reading about this (I’m not going to explain this on here) but it’s not the most pleasant of thing!

Also the midwife mentioned a Birthing ball, now this sounds fun (why couldn’t she of mentioned this first) so straight after the appointment we went to Argos (via B&M who wouldn’t sell me a packets of paracetamol and a packet of ibuprofen and some imodium because its against their policy) – But its ok if I want to buy 12 bottles of vodka, 10 cases of Strongbow, a set of kitchen knives & some aerosol cans and glue!

Anyway got this giant ball home and so I had to test it.

Yeah, its all good, but cant see how this is gonna help! So we take a look on youtube, there is loads of women, in just bras doing all these “funny” movements on them, you know the kind of movements that probably got them pregnant in the first place! with seductive music in the background and their belly’s hanging out, I felt un-easy watching these kind of videos (in front of Jody lol)

Jody was worried the ball was gonna pop, so I felt it necessary to record the whole thing.

this was great until I started playing “Shaggy, Mr Boombastic”

Anyway, 4 days to go and still time to get them hips moving on that giant ball. x

My Legacy, The weekend before baby is due!

Where has the last 9 months gone? it has flown by. Jody is doing amazing & I can’t imagine what its like carrying a baby around for so long inside you.

This weekend I was a little worried cos Jody said “she had a feeling he might come early” I was like OMG!! not this weekend, 5 kids parties and an 50th wedding anniversary disco (but it was all ok cos I have a huge network of other entertainers that can step in at the last minute)

So this weekend I didn’t want Jody to go in to labour and I said to my self, “its ok she will take things easy” I’ve never been so wrong, when I come down stairs this morning she was stood on a chair cleaning the windows in the kitchen, this is after she had done all the housework! then she went outside and started potting plants, building an arch, digging holes, OH! I forgot to mention its only 7.30am.

Tomorrow is Sunday, I have 2 parties 11 til 1 & 2 til 3.30pm (so keeping fingers crossed that baby doesn’t head for the light)

Getting excited, yeah I am, also getting scared a little. Trying to remember the basic things like how to hold a baby, burping, the pooh, the nappies, the bottles (how many scoops to water?) the sterilising, the getting dressed, the car seat struggles, the shopping. Yeah we’ve done it before with Jack (7 years ago) I’m sure its gonna be fine and I’m worrying myself for no reason. I’m a kids entertainer thats the toughest job in the world – 1 baby should be a walk in the park (once I’ve got him dressed & in the buggy)

“My Legacy” my mum died about 11 years ago, she was my best friend & Im a great believer that in some way, shape or form she’s still around and its her guidance that helps me make the right choices. I just wish that when she was younger she wrote about what things were like, for me to read now 39 and 10 months on from when I was born.

It would be great to read her words 🙁

So I guess thats why Im doing this Blog, For Macey, Jack & Baby to read when I’m no longer here (don’t worry I’m not planning on going anywhere)

I’m so lucky to have what I have, and I hope that one day my children grow up to also have the happiness that I feel.

There are so many people in jobs they don’t enjoy doing, the 9 to 5 everyday, commuting for hours on end just to make ends meet, life shouldn’t be like that, you should have a job you enjoy, then it doesn’t become a job. Thats one thing I will make sure my children understand when they are older (and you should too if your reading this).

Anyway, thats todays bloggy bit out of the way :)) not long until Jack & Macey meet their new brother, I do wonder what he’s gonna grow up to be like.

until next time….

“shake them hips like Shakira”


Things you wish you never Googled!

“Once you’ve seen it, you can’t un-see it”

That’s what all the memes say and a truer word has never been said with what I just witnessed.

Picture this, we are all sat at the dinner table, just finished our Morrisons own pizza (which if I’m being honest was awful) and we got on to the conversation about “waters breaking” yeah this is ok, I can deal with this and its quite an exciting time because it means our baby is on the way….

BUT what happens before the waters break, if you don’t know, then I will tell you (Make sure you are sitting down, NOT at the dinner table) How do I put this “Theres a plug” not a 13amp plug. Or a kitchen sink plug, although these principles are pretty much the same! This plug is holding everything in its technical name is “The Mucas Plug” and this is what google says about it.

“Passing of the Mucus Plug. The mucus plug accumulates at the cervix during pregnancy. When the cervix begins to open wider, the mucus is discharged into the vagina andmay be clear, pink, or slightly bloody. Labor may begin soon after the mucus plug is discharged or one to two weeks later.”

STOP NOW, JUST LEAVE IT THERE….. These are words I should of adhered to, but no, me being a midlife father had to click on google images.


You’ve done it haven’t you? I know theres women out there right now going “oh but its natural, its beautiful” – jog on love there ain’t nothing beautiful about a women losing her plug.

We wasn’t told about this at school, yes we was taught how to put a condom on a banana (or was that just me?) and taught the basics but no one bloody mentioned “THE PLUG”

14 days to go by the way xxx

Jody (mum) is doing brilliantly and making me feel very proud x I love her and her plug xx

The Snoring Wife

2am I was woken up with what can only be described as a sound from a horror film. I sat up and thought “what the hell was that?” then I heard it again, coming from my wife.

In 12 years I have never heard a noise like this come from her, it was like she was possessed by some evil demon.

remember the film “The Exorcist” this was on par.

One howling snort later she woke her self up (and the rest of our street) Then it went quiet & I felt myself drifting off…………

BOOOM there it was again, the room shook and I was awake, expecting to see Jody’s head do a 360 degree turn and to see her elevating above our bed.

That was it, I grabbed my pillows and got up, Jody asked “you ok?” … I wasn’t going to lie, I told her the truth that she had been making some demonic noises.

Off I went to my daughters room (she’s staying at her mums, so theres a spare bed & a comfy one)

5am I woke up – why? …. Not because of my wife snoring but because of the sun, “Yes” a welcome sight on a warm Sunday afternoon with a few beers and a BBQ, but not at 5am in the morning! I only have myself to blame because I have been saying to Jody for the last 5 years “Yes I will put the blinds up on my next day off”

So a sleepless night, I guess its a good thing because we will be having plenty of them when the little man arrives.

Just 2 weeks until due day and we are getting excited. Although we can’t decide on middle names. My suggestion of “Gary & Gonzo” aren’t being taken seriously.

The “Pregnancy” Cramp

OK, we’ve all had cramp – I’ve had the worst kind of cramp, when you wake up and you are convinced you have somehow managed to kill your own arm in the night.

You’ve slept on it and its DEAD. You begin to panic, whats been 5 seconds seems like an hour, you pick up your dead arm and start waving it around the room shouting “my arm, I’ve killed my arm” this of course wakes Jody up! then the pins and needles set in….

Apparently when you get cramp when your pregnant its a lot worse (hmmm I’m not sure) well anyway I was woken up the other night by my beautiful wife because she had cramp in her calf, so I googled this …

“Yes its very common, now go back to sleep” wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear, for the next 25 mins I was her massage therapist and massaging her calf muscle in her leg.

The Bed Roll

(Why is she smiling in picture No.2?)

This manoeuvre takes on average about 7 minutes and involves an incredible amount of strength, but does it need to be done several times a night? do arms need to be thrown around and on top of that more “huffing and puffing” I guess so.

I can imagine having a baby strapped to my front is gonna be quite difficult to sleep with, why has no one invented something so that you can sleep in the upright position?

while this is happening in the night, I am truly supportive to my wife and allow some slack in the duvet while she’s struggling to get comfortable.

Foot Massage

“Foot Massage”

You are kidding me right? no, Jody wanted a foot massage the other night – seriously this was weird, in 12 years I’ve never been allowed to look at her feet let alone touch them, then all of a sudden she said “oooh I really fancy a foot massage” – I felt like saying “Jog on”

(these aren’t a picture of Jody feet, but they are pretty close likeness)

4 scones…

So, I’ve done really well on slimming world, I’ve lost over one and a half stone in 12 weeks, and feel great from it, then “Half-term” happened, Easter eggs, takeaways, eating out and genuinely can’t be bothered to eat healthy!

I looked at the scales this morning and said to myself “I’ll weigh myself next week” (because I ate 4 Morrisons scones last night)

Apart from the scones yesterday was a good day, I found myself in Blue inc, and being able to fit in to a size 34″ jeans (we all know Blue Inc clothes come up small) Ive not been a size 34″ since I was 12 years old and suffering from spots and testosterone.

Today I won’t be trying them jeans on.

Back on plan as of today!! no more scones left…